I want my childhood back. My innocence. It was ripped from my grasp when I was eleven. My oldest brother,who was sixteen at the time, raped me when our parents were on vacation. He threatened to hurt me if I told anyone. Three weeks later, he commited suicide. I never told anyone about what he did to me. I guess I could now that he is dead, but no one would believe me. They wouldnt want to believe me. My parents loved my brother, they never knew the monster he really was. They would refuse to believe me if I told them. So here I am, left broken and depressed by my dead brother. I still love him. I love the him he was before he started drinking and smoking. The loving, protective, happy brother he was. I love and miss that brother. But the other one- the rapist, drunk, abusive one- Im glad that one is gone. That monster that stole my innocence. I miss you, old happy brother. I hate you, new monster brother. I want my childhood back.