when i die i want the tupac hologram guarding my grave and my body dangling from a cord attached to an apache tied around my nuts as it drops me into my grave filled runscape membership cards and steve jobs and kim thompsons ashes mixed together with a strip club built over with titanium b-2 bombers flying over every hour with penis fountians shooting seaman guarded by a rusty gate with super AIDS on it in front of the white house while being broadcast on every channel including cartoonnetwork disney but not nick cause thats ratchet and thats only thats only the first half of my body
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I had sex in the library the other day and told the guy to c*m in a book. He did it. And we put the book back.
This kid kept messing w me at school n I got so mad that during lunch time I snuck into the classroom and pissed on the f***ers bookbag!
As a waitress at a high end restaurant I have to deal with rude people. If your aren't nice to me I ask the chef to dip his meat balls in your spaghetti. We get a kick out of it every time :)
some dude at work for year never chipped in for buying soda... He would always drink it all that night and leave nothing for the people who chipped in for the following morning. So one day when we bought the soda, i took a little out and pissed in it to fill the bottle and I put it back in the fridge. The next day that guy told me "yo that soda was mad flat!!!" Hahahaha... victory is mine!
My friends dared me to tie objects to my penis and walk around. then we made a game out of it and competed with each other to see who can pull the heaviest objects and who can have the longest hang time. It was pretty funny at the time but thinking back it was kinda gay.
Sometimes, when I fart, I like to stick my head between my legs and take a huge wiff. The smell alone has almost knocked me out twice, but I can't stop doing it.
I went to disney's website without my parents permission. I am a sick f***.
forgot to lock my room door. Grandma came in and caught me kneeling in front of my computer masturbating to porn. She yelled sorry and walked out. she hasn't mentioned anything about afterward. She pretends it never happened. now it feels really awkward whenever I see her.
I was in a crowded train and out of no where I felt some guys whole hand grab my crotch. I instantly grabbed his hand and with all my force bent his finger back until it cracked. He pulled it back and screamed as he ran out before the door closed.